Ups and Downs

The last little while has been full of 'em.  Ups and downs, arguments, excitement...  You name it.  It's been like an emotional roller coaster that has just drained me.

I have only told a handful of people about Mexico.  This is mostly because I'm terrified of their responses.  I don't want people to think that I'm some flaky chick making bad decisions, which some people are likely to think because they're completely uneducated about Mexico.

I think I mentioned that I told my mother, and she has refused to even acknowledge the fact that I mentioned it.  Either that, or she's forgotten.  I'm leaning towards refusing to acknowledge it though.

I told one friend who thought it was a pretty cool idea, but she hasn't said another word about it, and didn't mention it to her husband either.  These two are pretty good friends of ours.

I told another friend over email, and he thought it was really neat, but admitted it wasn't his cup of tea.  He was full of questions though, so at least I knew he was interested.

I told one friend at work, and she giggles, mostly because she knows me well enough to know that doing something like this is right up my alley.

Now for Gerald, the husband of note.

He stopped talking about it all together for quite a while.  Then when I'd say something, he had nothing positive to say at all.  Just lists of negatives that he spewed off.  Some were valid points, some were touching on the ridiculous.  We actually had a really big fight over it, and I haven't really spoken about Mexico since with him.  He's changed his tune somewhat, trying to convince me that he really does want to go.  He sends me links to interesting websites, makes comments and such, but I just don't know what to say to him when he brings it up.  

I'm upset about all of this.  What should have been a really cool and exciting time for us, filled with planning and talking, learning a new language together, and making decisions has become an unhappy, stress-filled, miserable time.  He says he wants to go, and I believe him to a certain point.  I don't know though how much he really wants to go, and how much of this is him saying he does because he knows how badly I want this.  He's looked into jobs, and done a bit of research.  I'm happy that he went that far.  His only two options would be selling time share real estate and teaching English.  He seems far more interested in the real estate part than teaching, which is probably a good thing.  He has years of sales experience behind him, although not in real estate.

He says he's happy to go for a year, and then who knows.  Maybe we'll come back, maybe we wont.  I'm not going to limit myself though.  If we want to stay, then why come back?  Who knows, maybe I'll want to come back and he won't.

One of his points was the language barrier.  My point was that the only language barrier that exists is him - he has ample time to learn the language with me.  He just chooses not to.  I see that as "his" language barrier.  

It's been a very frustrating time.  I want to believe him but I'm having a hard time with it.  

I'm looking forward to our week in Playa del Carmen this summer.  I'm hoping that being there, even if it's only for a week, will open his eyes a little.  I know he'd love living there, but he's focusing so strongly on the things that scare him, instead of the things that he'd love.  He says he'd miss a lot of things.  But so would I!  Is that any reason to sacrifice trying new things?  Not in my eyes, but I know everyone is different.

I know this posts is going left and right and up and down and sideways.  I'm just writing whatever happens to come to mind, so bear with me.....