These dudes really bother me. Every summer they're around the house, lurking in tubs and sinks, just waiting to scare the bejeesus out of me.
After a long, quiet winter of safety from these multi-legged forms of terror, I found one in the kitchen sink this morning.
I was by myself.
No one could help me.
I had to kill it myself.
This reminded me of another murderous attempt on my part, that failed horribly. Here's the story. My entire family laughs and guffaws every time someone brings it up.
The scene:
I'm alone in the house. (Insert scary music here) I'm completely nekkid in the bathroom, getting ready to have a shower. The water is on, and I'm ready to get in.
I pull the shower curtain back and......... THERE IT IS!!!!
I reel back in horror, my hands and legs are shaking.
IT'S IN THE TUB! ALL 900 LEGS!!! (Ok, so they don't have 900 legs, but it sure felt like it at the time.)
What do I do????? OH GOD! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!!
I have to act fast otherwise it will run away and I won't know where it's gone.
The Plan:
If I unroll about 40 feet of toilet paper, I think to myself, that should be enough to squish it while keeping it safely away from my skin. It's a good plan.
Action:
I pull on the toilet paper, and reams and reams of it fall to the floor. I gather it up, take a deep breath ready to face my fear. I know I can do this. It's only a bug right??
I whip back the shower curtain again, stab at the creature, missing. I reload, and stab out again, this time covering his body in toilet paper. I grab and squish. SQUISH!!!! Make sure the little bugger is good and dead!
I pull up the lid on the toilet and throw the mound of toilet paper in, slamming the lid back down and flushing.
By this time, I'm sweating. My heart is pounding and I'm feeling faint.
But wait! I won! I did it! I killed the bug, and flushed his body! I can have my shower now!
Everything is good, and I'm feeling great! I have a nice, long shower, enjoying my new found sense of freedom. I've faced the enemy and won.
Until.....
My husband comes home, and I rush out to tell him how brave I was. How I looked into the centipede's eyes and crushed him. I was brave, strong. Husband laughs and goes into the washroom to do his business. I hear laughing. The door opens and he calls me in.
He points into the toilet, and the centipede is sitting on top of the blob of toilet paper that didn't go down on the first flush, and he's staring at me. Ugh.
I hate those centipedes.
4 comments:
Hi Beth - I´m having a crummy day here in Mexico City, but your post made me laugh through the tears!
And the days are ticking down to when you´ll be in Playa del Carmen...maybe we should meet you there!!
EW! We had those guys in our house in Jersey! YUCK! They are so freaky! So far we've just had the odd roach here and some ants... but we live on the 3rd floor. I'm not looking forward to my first time seeing a scorpion in my apartment!
Wow, that's freaky. You're very brave.
OMFM I have never seen anything scarier in my entire life than that THING!!!! And I'm petrified of spiders!!! What country do you live in cuz I aint never setting foot!!!!
Your experience with The Thing reminded me of the time my parents left me home alone for a weekend. I was probably 16 or 17 and this spider (a daddy long leggs no less!) decided to just station itself on the ceiling in our main hall. I came inside the house and realized I was stuck!!! I could not, dared not, walk underneath it fearing it would simply plop on my head as I passed beneath it and so for a good two hours I stayed in the main entrance of our house... blocked by an 8-legged critter.
I tried getting the dogs to eat it (no luck) and even threw a shoe at the darn thing but it wouldn't budge. When I finally realized I was going to have to face the beast or sleep outside I went and looked for a broom. It put enough distance between me and the thing so that I could squish to the side and hockey-push it out of the house. And even then my entire body was shaking.
I would have never ever dared to use toilet paper to squish it. Toilet paper is much too easy to rip.
Fned.
(the coward)
Post a Comment